It’s easy to dive right into lengthy discourse about the “why” it did not happen for you. Conversations we have with ourselves or others as recompense to our souls brokenness. These words become boundaries that we use to compartmentalize our lives and keep us safe. They are fortified divides that inhibit us from moving forward. We laugh out loud or feel profound shame when we suddenly catch a glimpse of our thinking outside of the fortress of lies. So instead of diving into the explanations, let’s rest in the space. The space that is not crowded with regret and resentment, where we are okay with not knowing the “why” and uncertainty sits in the presence of hope.
Be held by the presence that fills you with peace.
I can’t avoid life’s circumstances and situations. Being present, staying engaged and fully in the moment during the unpleasantries of life can create a restlessness within my spirit. The restlessness doesn’t allow me to be still and center myself. Instead I find myself trying to figure out ways to get out of this mess, stop the discomfort and move on to the “happy”. I am realizing that I have to settle in and make my current space a home. This means being ok with being uncomfortable. It means being intentional about finding my power in a vulnerable state and using it to create respite where I am. This means not wasting my imagination on fantasizing about living a different life, but allowing myself to make a fortified home within that withstands any type of weather. Today I’m grateful to the Creator for the pillars in my life that support me and all the hand-me-downs of wisdom that help keep up my perspective.
The frantic mind never stops racing. When it pauses in defeat it reloads and picks up right where it left off. Several years ago I discovered that there is no perfect me, but my thoughts keep on concocting ways to fix my brokenness. When I realize that there is no quick fix I feel my soul collapse inside my body. When I stay within myself as the center of my universe, time stops, but I continue to sink deeper into my “me”. Is this hell? All me, all the time?
My way of escape is to acknowledge that I do not exist in isolation. I ask for forgiveness realizing that I am a part of a larger narrative a true reality outside of my “me”. A reality that is moving and breathing. The “now” that is desiring and needs my full presence. The “now” includes things that I dread doing or am fearful of, the people who I am in relationship with and places that I need to be. I am still praying that I will be brave and that I can except my brokenness. I am praying I can surrender to humility so that my mind can retire from the marathon.
Being brave requires courage. It requires selflessness. When I am in a dark place I have to make a decision to risk . I have to decide to trust what I can’t touch or see but believe to be certain.
It has been over a month since my last post and I hate myself for it. Alright, so I don’t hate myself, but I would have really liked to have gotten into a weekly flow by now. Instead after I got freshly pressed back in February I got stuck. I felt that whatever I posted after ” The Epic Creative Flow” had to be profound and insightful. However, by placing that expectation on myself I could no longer operate in freedom. I could no longer allow my experiences to speak. My words were no longer authentic.
The inner conflict of the perfectionist is that she is eternally working toward fixing what she perceives as being eternally broken. So I’m going to take my perfectionist self, dishevel her hair and pull out her well tucked shirt. I’m going to take her to places where she is going to get messy. I’m going to introduce her to grace. Hopefully I can allow my two realities to converge and integrate by resting in simply being.
Inspiration streams through various mediums. I am discovering that each day, with its uniqueness and commonness, sprouts inspiration. Each day offers us the opportunity to arrest the transient “whim” to move into creative flow. It is an invitation from God, emerging from our rigid routines and our procrastinations, to emancipate us from escapism and allow us to enter the space of faith-based conception in real-time. It is there that we can experience interplay between hope and fruition. When we pause and allow ourselves to be present there is surge that pulls us into deeper depths of love and purpose causing us to divorce fear, abandon our efforts to secure personal happiness and achievement to engage life with an intentionality that changes the world.
Last year my husband’s four thousand dollar piano keyboard was stolen from our car. The entire crime was captured on our apartment building’s surveillance camera. There it was, 12:03 pm and someone managed to effortlessly steal a 5 foot long keyboard out of our car right in front of our apartment building. We were shocked, angry, and then sad. My husband loved that keyboard. He worked really hard while in college to save up the money to buy it and now it was gone. The weeks that followed were full of many recounts of what occurred. We talked about what happened with each other, shared it with friends and we thought about it when we were quiet.
If you have ever had anything stolen you know that it sucks! You feel all sorts of feelings. Often there are intense feelings of anger and sadness. Today I came accross the video footage of the keyboard being stolen and it got me thinking about how remarkable it is that we form attachment to things. How we can unconditionally love an inanimate object. We work hard to get these “things” and when the love is really intense we can resort to all sorts of behaviors. We can neglect relationships with people so that we can reserve space in our hearts for “things”. Other times the “thing” holds sentimental value and we are reluctant to part with it even when our life journey no longer allows for its presence.
I figured I would share some ways you can express your grief if you have gone through a similar experience or you have voluntary given away something you love.
5 Ways to Mourn When Something You Love is Stolen
1. Have a full on conniption (with runny snot, tears that flow into mouth, flailing arms and stomping of the feet).
2. Sing a song in memory of the object that was stolen that expresses why you fell in love with it and why you are going to miss it now that it’s gone.
3. Make a T-shirt with a picture of the object that was stolen on the front with words that read “In memory of ….”
4. Open up a window in your home, stick your head out and scream “Why?”
5. Post an obscure facebook status about your past facebook statuses about how awesome the stolen object was, Tweet about the facebook obscure status you just posted and then instagram a picture of yourself posting the obscure facebook status.
Then I realized that there is a better way….
Top 5 Ways to Mourn When Something You Love is Stolen
1. Don’t stay angry and sad.
2. Take inventory of all the wonderful people, positive experiences in your life and celebrate.
3. Be grateful
4. Be generous
5. Accept help when you know you need it.