Believe that you are loved. Love can be difficult to identify and to receive when you have experienced trauma, neglect or dysfunction in childhood. Today you may not feel lovable because someone’s actions or words said you were not good enough or you were worthless.
Would you be willing to spill forgiveness over the broken people who hurt you and ask for forgiveness for believing that God doesn’t really care about you ? Maybe you’re not ready for that yet, but if you are feeling compelled and drawn in, come a bit closer and just sit.
You are loved. You don’t have to do anything to earn it, make it happen or keep it. It might be uncomfortable at first, to live from the reality that you are valuable, but it will become easier. As you resist the urge to agree with the lies that come into your mind and learn that people’s behaviors or life circumstances do not speak to your worth.
Don’t check out. Stay engaged. As long as you have breath in your body there is an opportunity for this Love to transform you and for change to take place.
Please stay. We need you here. The world would be devastated without you.
National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255
Photo by Steve Johnson
There are schedules, projects, meetings and gatherings, that thrust me into momentum. I’m forced to move even when I don’t want to, led by the rhythms of my everyday. The hard nudges of my routines that cue and prompt me to take the next step. There I am standing in the middle of my life and wonder if I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. Is there something more?
Where do I belong? This feeling of displacement is an indicator that I need to connect with God amidst of his creation. It is a gentle nudge from the Divine inviting me to commune. There in the center of presence I realize that I am a member of creation. I am interconnected, woven together with nature and inseparable from humanity. I belong right here. Prayerful and engaged with my neighbors, the attendant at the gas station, my friends, and family. Every encounter in my everyday is an opportunity to allow God to pen me into purpose and confirm that I am where I am supposed to be.
The sigh of relief echoes a brief release
But the caverns, are still filled with murky waters
My lungs, my mind, my body can’t take this much longer
How do I endure ?
Do I surrender ?
No, I give time its place to fast-forward me out of here
As I wait for the unearthing
Waiting for the reveal, the knowing
Standing at the precipice I can see clearly,
But I’m afraid of where I stand
My lungs, my mind, my body rest
It’s calm now
It’s easy to dive right into lengthy discourse about the “why” it did not happen for you. Conversations we have with ourselves or others as recompense to our souls brokenness. These words become boundaries that we use to compartmentalize our lives and keep us safe. They are fortified divides that inhibit us from moving forward. We laugh out loud or feel profound shame when we suddenly catch a glimpse of our thinking outside of the fortress of lies. So instead of diving into the explanations, let’s rest in the space. The space that is not crowded with regret and resentment, where we are okay with not knowing the “why” and uncertainty sits in the presence of hope.
Be held by the presence that fills you with peace.
I can’t avoid life’s circumstances and situations. Being present, staying engaged and fully in the moment during the unpleasantries of life can create a restlessness within my spirit. The restlessness doesn’t allow me to be still and center myself. Instead I find myself trying to figure out ways to get out of this mess, stop the discomfort and move on to the “happy”. I am realizing that I have to settle in and make my current space a home. This means being ok with being uncomfortable. It means being intentional about finding my power in a vulnerable state and using it to create respite where I am. This means not wasting my imagination on fantasizing about living a different life, but allowing myself to make a fortified home within that withstands any type of weather. Today I’m grateful to the Creator for the pillars in my life that support me and all the hand-me-downs of wisdom that help keep up my perspective.
The frantic mind never stops racing. When it pauses in defeat it reloads and picks up right where it left off. Several years ago I discovered that there is no perfect me, but my thoughts keep on concocting ways to fix my brokenness. When I realize that there is no quick fix I feel my soul collapse inside my body. When I stay within myself as the center of my universe, time stops, but I continue to sink deeper into my “me”. Is this hell? All me, all the time?
My way of escape is to acknowledge that I do not exist in isolation. I ask for forgiveness realizing that I am a part of a larger narrative a true reality outside of my “me”. A reality that is moving and breathing. The “now” that is desiring and needs my full presence. The “now” includes things that I dread doing or am fearful of, the people who I am in relationship with and places that I need to be. I am still praying that I will be brave and that I can except my brokenness. I am praying I can surrender to humility so that my mind can retire from the marathon.
Being brave requires courage. It requires selflessness. When I am in a dark place I have to make a decision to risk . I have to decide to trust what I can’t touch or see but believe to be certain.